I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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