It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
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The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
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He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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