Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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