Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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