I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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