just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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