cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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