everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
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