sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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