Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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