i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
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I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
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I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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