i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
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It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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