Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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