he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize