The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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