hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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