someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Watching her eat just hurts me
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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