you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
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on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize