I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize