so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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