So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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