Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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