Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
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If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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