They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I checked into jail on foursquare
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize