How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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