My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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