I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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