I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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