Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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