He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize