Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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