none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
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