Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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