i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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