You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
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When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So here I am, sexting at work.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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