OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
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Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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