ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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