I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
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Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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