Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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