i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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