I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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