Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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