Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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