I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
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I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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