He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize