My underwear smells like fireworks.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize