Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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