Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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