I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize