Can i not drive my cunt home
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize